Taking Your Thoughts Captive by Jane Robb, M.A., LPC

Did you know that we have over 50,000 thoughts going through our heads a day?  Probably more!  If just a small portion of those thoughts are beating you up or dwelling on the past, you’re going to be depressed.

If on the other hand you are a worrier, overwhelmed by the future, fearful or thinking about the “what ifs” of life you are going to be anxious, and depression and anxiety can go hand in hand to cause serious emotional issues in your life. 

That is why it is very important to get a handle on the thoughts you are saying to yourself.  Of course you will not catch all 50,000 thoughts but you can begin by just catching a few.  It is important to know what you are saying to yourself; how are you beating yourself up.  What are the negative thoughts (tapes) going through your mind at every turn?  Take time to write down some of the negative thoughts you are saying to yourself. 

As humans we do a good job of beating ourselves up and we also have all the tapes from childhood that add to this negativity.  So, as you learn what you are saying to yourself it is important to come against these negative thoughts.  When a negative thought comes through your mind you stop it.  Some people say “Stop; get out of here” where others might be creative and pretend there is a stop sign in their head that pops up to stop the negative thought.  Some women might pretend there is a Prince Charming in their mind that draws his mighty sword to whacks out the negative thought. 

The bottom line is to stop the negative thought and immediately replace it with a positive I-statement.  An example of this would be a thought that goes through your head that says, “I don’t like myself.”  Immediately say, “Stop get out of here” and continue by saying “I like myself.”  You don’t have to believe what you say because our subconscious mind is such that if you say a thing over and over again it will pick it up as the truth (negative or positive). So, stop the negative and immediately replace it with a positive I-statement. 

It takes about 30 days to break an old habit so continue to do this everyday all day long and over time you will catch many of those negative thoughts and take them captive developing a sound mind and possibly the peace of mind you have been trying to achieve. 

Here is a few examples of things you can say to yourself for positive I-statement.  This is from a list called Happy Homework.  Read them over daily and let them become part of your thinking but do not memorize them.

1. I am a unique and precious human being; always doing the best I can, always growing in wisdom and love.
2. I am in charge of my own life and I am gentle toward me.
3. My #1 responsibility is my own growth and well-being.  The better I am to me the better I am to others.
4. I refuse to be put down by the attitudes and opinions of others.
5. I make my own decisions and assume responsibility of my mistakes.  However I refuse to feel shame or guilt about them.
6. Nothing that life has to offer is worth the price of worry.
7. I live a day at a time, do first things first.
8. I am patient and serene for I have the rest of my life to grow.

This is part of the process of life-long learning and by practicing this discipline daily you can work toward the peace of mind (sound mind) you seek.

Try these great books!

Also, please bookmark this page, so you can return to our site easily, then Click Here! to view a fascinating e-book, The Root Cause, which has a unique approach to the self-help approach to depression. Please Note: This link will take your first to a page titled OCD: Please click the Depression tab at the top of the page!

Several years ago an article published in a prestigeous psychiatric journal reported that a randomized, double-blind trial comparing a natural supplement (which boosts Serotonin levels) with a serotonergic antidepressant had an equally positive effect on both groups of OCD patients. This was a fascinating and encouraging finding since some people with OCD have difficulty tolerating antidepressant medications.

The supplements, SAMe or L-Tyrosine may boost the amount of Serotonin which is available in the brain, and DL-Phenylalanine may boost norepinephrine. Since research on this topic is in a developmental phase, we recommend that people interested in natural remedies for OCD consult one or more physicians and other, qualified health professionals on this topic before beginning treatment. It is important when embarking on care of this kind, whether by a traditional or an alternative route, to do so while under the appropriately care of an expert.

Self-Help Resources maintains an Affiliate relationship with a product called Anxius (http://anxius.com/) because this product includes therapeutic dosages of the commonly used neurotransmitter precursor, L-Tyrosine, which may be helpful in the treatment of OCD. You may evaluate this product at the following link:

http://www.anxius.com/?a=thomasrg

 Another possibility is detailed at the following link. Click Here! to be directed to a non-medication approach to this problem.

A number of natural remedies are available, although outcome research on their effectiveness is still limited.

The results of a number of studies have suggested that certain nutritional remedies or supplements, especially those which are “precursors” to relevant neurotransmitters such as serotonin or norepinephrine, may be as helpful in the treatment of anxiety disorders as are serotonergic antidepressants. This is potentially a critical finding since supplements of this kind typically result in fewer side effects relative to those caused by antidepressants.

1)      Anger Control: There are a variety of temper and hostility issues which are brought to therapists’ consulting rooms on a regular basis. Although excessive anger can be a highly destructive and dangerous emotion, sufferers with it often seek counseling only because in one way or another they are forced to do so.

Anger can be a central component of a variety of clinical conditions, including substance abuse, sociopathy, perpetration of physical and sexual abuse, bipolar disorder, and depression. Astute clinicians find the source and general diagnosis of the condition as a way of structuring interventions appropriate to it (e.g., family therapy, marital therapy, relaxation, cognitive therapy, detox and rehabilitation).

2)      Bipolar Disorder: This is a severe condition in the Affective Disorder family, considered primarily due to aberrant psychophysiology and treated primarily with medication. It is easily missed or misdiagnosed due to range of variations observed in clinical practice; e.g., bipolar patients may be primarily depressed, primarily manic, or afflicted with some other combination or variation.

Patients in a manic state may talk excessively and urgently, need only minimal sleep, feel highly euphoric or irritable, have tremendous energy, and be prone to poor impulse control and poor judgment. When depressed, they may be prone to suicide attempts, hopelessness, insomnia or hypersomnia, anhedonia, dysphoria, and fatigue.

3)      Depression: This is a broad term and can refer to a fleeting emotion or to a serious clinical state. In clinical psychology, depression may be confined to an understandable reaction to a specific situation that most anyone would find upsetting (such as an injury or a loss). It may refer to Dysthymia, which is a chronic state of lethargy, listlessness, lack of interest or motivation, and generally feeling down or blue. This term also may characterize Major Depression, which is an acute change of functioning that may or may not be triggered by an external event. Major Depression is considered to be due to biological origins in many cases and may be accompanied by a variety of symptoms such as hopelessness, dysphoria, lack of ability to feel pleasure, low libido, suicidal thoughts, sleep disturbances, and fatigue.

4)      OCD: People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) suffer from repetitive and unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or perform compulsive rituals which seem to be beyond control. Hand washing, counting, checking, or cleaning is done to prevent or cope with obsessive thoughts. Left untreated, obsessions and rituals rarely disappear and often may severely debilitate a sufferer’s life. OCD is often a chronic, relapsing illness best treated by behavior therapy and medication.

5)      Panic/Anxiety: Panic disorder is typically accompanied by transient episodes of extreme anxiety, known as panic attacks. Attacks may vary by intensity and symptomotology and include such reactions as a need to flee the immediate environment; feeling suffocated; sweating, numbness, tingling, heart racing, dizziness, nausea, shaking, and fear of catastrophe.

6)      PTSD stands for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Sufferers have typically undergone a highly traumatic or life threatening event such as rape, assault, or combat. The aftermath of this event may be severely crippling to activities of daily living and include signs and symptoms such as nightmares, startle reactions, sleep disturbance, substance abuse, flashbacks, lethargy, and negative emotion.

7)      Self-Help: Typically, self-help starts with reading a book about a problem and following its recommendations…or taking the advice of a friend or associate…or watching a videotape or DVD providing informed advice…or taking a supplement or using a product designed to assist with the difficulty. Research has shown that one’s own efforts to help oneself may be helpful whether or not a therapist is formally involved.

      Therapy: A process of talking with a nonjudgmental, professionally trained and licensed individual who will study the problem carefully and offer support and advice as a means of addressing it.

To get more information, please click on the books below.

1)      What is the American Counseling Association and who does it help? The ACA is dedicated to the growth and development of the counseling profession and those who are served. It promotes advocacy, research, and professional standards.

2)      What is grief counseling? Grief counseling aims to reduce suffering caused by the death of a loved one or by some other substantive loss.

3)      Is online counseling effective? There is some preliminary indication that online counseling is effective, but compared to face-to-face therapy there remains a dearth of information. There also are legal and ethical questions still at large, the most pressing being where the therapy is actually taking place, at the therapist’s location or at the client’s. The problem here is with jurisdiction should an ethical complaint occur. If the client lives out of state and makes a formal complaint against the clinician, the only way the therapist’s state agencies could investigate and, if necessary, intervene effectively would be if the therapy was considered to be conducted in the therapist’s office; otherwise, the State would be without jurisdiction. Consequently, we advise that online therapy be undertaken as a last resort at this time.

4)      How is family counseling run, or how does it work? There are many different styles, theoretical orientations, and definitions of family therapy. In a nutshell, family therapy usually refers to a meeting of 2 or more family members with a therapist who specializes in the use of relationships to solve or ameliorate emotional problems. Many such therapists view family members as “gears” in a web of complex family patterns, meaning that changing the way one member behaves will automatically have an effect on the remaining members.

5)      What are some of the most effective counseling techniques? By far the most scientifically well validated techniques are those stemming from behavior therapy or cognitive behavior therapy.

6)      Does adolescent counseling work differently than adult counseling? It certainly tends to be different. Adolescent counselors are often trained in family therapy and so work with the adolescent alone comparatively less often. They tend to be more “active” or talkative in therapy and keep abreast of the issues, vocabulary, and concerns specific to this generation. Adolescent counseling may take place in more unusual contexts such as Outward Bound, working ranches, residential programs, or with multiple other families all receiving therapy at once.

7)      What is required to become a licensed professional counselor? One goes to graduate school to earn a Masters degree in psychology, then completes several hundred additional hours of training and supervision to qualify to sit for a formal licensing exam offered by the state in which work will occur. When the licensing exam is passed and a license issued – not before - the therapist can then state that he or she is a licensed professional counselor.

      Is phone counseling as effective as face to face counseling? There are studies comparing phone counseling with face-to-face counseling for a few specific problems (e.g., panic disorder). In general phone and face-to-face obtain similar results. Of course, all things being equal, face-to-face therapy is the recommended approach in most instances.

9)      What are some of the characteristics of a good counselor? Good counselors are almost universally kind, compassionate, non-judgmental, and flexible. They have the ability to listen attentively and offer advice only when solicited (and even then only on the specific subject for which the client has requested assistance). Good counselors also know the relevant research literature so that they may deliver the most effective therapy techniques identified for certain disorders.

10)  Is online marriage counseling effective? There is insufficient research data to able us to answer that question at this point.

11)  What is hypnotherapy counseling and how does it work? Hypnotherapists induce a very relaxed or trance-like state in their clients and then make suggestions about new ways their clients can react to or behave in the problematic situations that brought them to therapy. In this way, they attempt to bypass any resistance they might normally encounter from the conscious mind.

12)  What is person centered counseling? Person centered therapists do not as a rule give active or directive advice, preferring to listen attentively and non-judgmentally to their clients’ concerns. They will reflect back to the client – at perhaps a deep or very accurate level – what the client appears to be saying or trying so hard to express.

13)  What are the biggest ethical issues with a counseling practice? One of the most serious forms of professional misconduct is the development of a sexual relationship with a client. Beyond that, therapists must make every effort to guard a client’s confidentiality and his or her safety from self-harm.

14)  Is counselor burnout common? It is very common and most every counselor experiences it to some degree after several years of ongoing practice. There is a “secondary trauma” that counselors experience from hearing the sad and sometimes horrifying experiences brought to them by their clients for empathy and care. It may be for this reason that many studies comparing new with experienced therapists find little difference: A new clinician’s energy and enthusiasm may offset his or her lack of clinical experience.

15)  What is stress counseling? Also termed stress management, this form of therapy focuses on coping techniques, including assertiveness training, social skills, relaxation, and attitude change, which are taught to clients to help them manage more effectively various stressors they encounter on a regular basis.

16)  What are some challenges faced by beginning counselors with clients? Beginning counselors may be too eager to give advice and direction or they may expect their clients to change too quickly, without first understanding the many emotional and relationship factors which strongly tie a client’s habits of responding in place. They may not yet have enough knowledge of the most effective techniques for resolving certain problems. Panic disorder, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and depression, for example, all require specific and diverse interventions learned by many years of careful research. Beginning therapists may not be aware of the vital importance of taking breaks from work, not seeing too many clients in one day, or not “giving” too much of themselves in therapy, making them more prone to burn out and an early exit from their careers.

17)  What are some typical counselor interview questions? The counselor will ask what brings the client to therapy, how long the problem has been ongoing and under what circumstances it occurs. Patterns of problematic thought and behavior will be assessed along with current medications, medical problems, social history, available social support, life history, marital status, and prior attempts at therapy. The assessor will determine which, if any, diagnostic criteria for emotional disorders the client meets, in order to begin designing a treatment plan and compiling a list of recommendations. Consent to contact the client’s physician, psychiatrist, former therapists, and/or referral source may be obtained, and an assessment of the client’s childhood will be conducted. The assessor will also begin asking about a history of emotional, sexual, or physical abuse the client has experienced, as well as other possible traumas or emotional stressors. Work history, social history, family history, drug and alcohol history, and a variety of other such concerns will be assessed. Obviously, this process may be ongoing not just on the first session but on many subsequent sessions thereafter.

18)  What is bereavement counseling? This is the same as grief counseling, answered in number 2 above.

19)  Are there special skills required for addiction counseling? Yes, this is a highly specialized area of psychotherapy requiring a great deal of specialized knowledge and training. Anyone suffering from drug or alcohol addiction is advised to seek a specialty therapist and/or facility and work toward abstinence from substance use as soon as is possible.

TEACHING CHILDREN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ( E.Q.)By Hildie Newman, L.C.S.W. 

      As parents, we all want our children to succeed in both the academic and the emotional realms of their lives.  Oftentimes parents and teachers become so focused on the academic realm that they neglect the emotional one.  Daniel Goleman is a Harvard educated and internationally renowned author, Ph.D. psychologist and science journalist. He wrote a groundbreaking book titled,  Emotional Intelligence:  Why  it Can Matter More than IQ.  In his book Goleman redefines what it means to be smart and how we can teach our children emotional skills very early in their lives.  He also explains why new brain research indicates that children’s ability to deal effectively with emotions (E.Q.) can be a better indicator of life success that their intelligence (I.Q.)       

      This article will address ideas on how to help increase children’s emotional awareness so they can increase their chances for a more fulfilling life. .  This includes happiness and success in every aspect of life from career and personal relationships to health and well-being.  We can teach our children how to be more emotionally intelligent.

      Emotional  Intelligence consists of five characteristics.  These are (1) emotional self-awareness, (2) managing feelings or self-regulation,   (3) self-motivation, (4) empathy and (5  relationship skills. 

      The first one, self-awareness, is about knowing oneself– knowing ones feelings, knowing what one likes, , wants, feels comfortable about and in general being attuned to one’s needs.  People who are smart about this make better decisions about who they marry or what job they take. These are decisions that can affect one for a lifetime.  We can promote self-awareness by respecting children’s feelings, taking feelings seriously, listening and trying to understand what the child communicates both verbally and non-verbally.  This helps the child feel valued, validated, understood and raises self-esteem and self-acceptance.  

      The second characteristic is self regulation and managing one’s feelings.  This involves handling one’s emotions, especially anger, anxiety, and frustration.  Adults can be good role models for how to appropriately and effectively handle these emotions.  Accepting children’s feelings (this does not mean accepting inappropriate behaviors) is very helpful to children in learning how to self-soothe and calm themselves and relax.  Children need to learn that emotions have a function and need to be managed effectively and how to bounce back from setbacks and upsets.  They need help learning how to move beyond rumination of feelings to developing an effective action plan.   We need to discuss and talk about this repetitively and encourage children to seek and use help and support from others.  We can also encourage a sense of humor about life’s small upsets.  Learning these skills can help alleviate feelings of chronic stress and development of illnesses related to stress. 

      The third characteristic, self-motivation, is critical for success in life.  It is difficult to achieve in life without motivation and persistence in the face of setbacks.  Self-motivation skills involve self-control, delaying gratification, controlling impulsiveness and promoting persistence.  We need to help children set realistic goals and meet them.  Optimism and hope can be modeled and an attitude of “you can make things happen” and “I believe in you” are important messages for parents and teachers to impart.

      The fourth characteristic is empathy, the ability to recognize emotions in others and take on their perspective as well as show concern and caring for them.  This is about the ability to read others both verbally and nonverbally and tune in to them and mirror them.  We need to encourage children to put themselves in others shoes to promote morality and altruism which helps not only in personal relationships but in creating a better world.

      The fifth and final characteristic is relationship skills.  This involves social competence, making friends, becoming leaders, learning to compromise, problem-solve, and resolve conflicts.  Children need adults to teach and model these skills as well as encourage them to be assertive, skilled communicators, cooperative, helpful and sharing. They need coaching to be able to give compliments, apologize when wrong, appreciate others and develop a sense of humor. 

       In summary these five characteristics are predictors of how successful children will be at work, in relationships and with their own health.  We have the opportunity to teach, model and nurture emotional intelligence.  It is important to begin as young as possible because childhood lessons will become lifelong habits.  Upsets and acting out behaviors are golden opportunities for us to act as emotional coaches.  In so doing, we will be able to take children’s feelings seriously and understand why something is upsetting them.  Parents, teachers and other adults can help children find positive ways to self-soothe and become comfortable with handling life stresses and frustrations.

Most of us have heard at least one of the jokes. “Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.”  “Teenagers: Tired of being harassed by your parents? Act Now! Move out, get a job, pay your own way, while you still know everything!” “Grandchildren are the reward for surviving your child’s adolescence.” 

They’re funny because they have the ring of familiarity and the hint of truth. But for parents and teenagers caught in the throes of this tumultuous period of growth and change, it can be difficult to find the humor.  Parents grieve the loss of their sweet, loving children who couldn’t wait to tell Mom and Dad every detail of their days at school or activities with friends. They don’t know how to approach the morose stranger who only wants to be left alone in her room, except when she wants a ride to the mall. Or whether their simple questions about the day, an expression of interest and affection, will be met with insults and rage. Adolescents are confounded by their storming emotions, the new social rules that seem to change daily, the expectations and pressures of budding adulthood. They crave the approval and support of adults but have no idea how to ask for it and are surprised themselves by how quickly and vehemently they reject it when it’s offered. New research offers both good news and bad news. The good news is that your teen’s brain simply isn’t fully developed yet. He may look like a small adult – and do his best to convince you that’s the case – but inside his head remains largely a child’s brain. 

Both the corpus callosum, essential to intelligence, consciousness and self-awareness, and the prefrontal cortex, vital to such sophisticated functions as emotional control, impulse restraint and rational decision-making, are under construction throughout adolescence and into our early 20s. [1] Which leads to the bad news. Your teen’s brain simply isn’t fully developed yet. How can you expect your teen to control his emotions, develop self-awareness or make rational decisions if his brain doesn’t yet contain the necessary ingredients for such capabilities? Which leads back to another piece of good news. You, this child’s parent, has a fully developed, fully functioning adult brain. You have been using your own emotional control, rational decision-making abilities, intelligence and self-awareness to raise this person so far. These skills of yours have not disappeared simply because the kinder, gentler previous version of your child has. The final chapter of who your child will become has not been written, and you - despite suggestions that you’ve been replaced by peers and media influences - remain the primary author of your child’s story.  Because your teen’s inner experience is so chaotic and unpredictable, it’s perhaps more important than at any other time in your child’s life that you cultivate a home environment based on structure, consistency and predictability. Your child is depending on you to define safe and appropriate limits in what seems like an out-of-control, unmanageable world. Your child needs you to continue to love her, to shower her with affection, interest and nurturing kindness because much of the time she feels like an unlovable, unloved monster.  

When your child withholds information, remain interested.When your child escalates emotionally, remain calm.When your child tests the limits, be flexible. When she tries to go too far, remain firm.When your child distances herself, remain close. This time in your child’s life perhaps will require more strength, determination and commitment than any other time in your life. You’ll need support. You’ll need a strong shield to protect you from taking personally the barbs that are hit straight to your heart but really aren’t intended for you.  Make sure your support system is intact, and don’t be afraid to use it. Look how far you’ve come and how well you’ve done so far. And know that just over the horizon waits a wonderful adult who can’t wait to meet you – and himself – and say thanks.  

[1] Bradley, Michael J. Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! Pp.6-7.