The Self-Help Guru has taken a retreat with Dr. Jack Kornfield and can attest that the approach in the CDs recommended here is the “real deal.”

 Affected in the past by trauma, depression, and relationship problems himself, Dr. Kornfield elegantly describes how to use Buddhist psychology - which originates in wisdom teachings more than 2500 years old - to achieve greater happiness and more resilience to adversity and stress.

This CD package is full of wisdom, humor, insight, and compassion. Click on the link to be taken to a product description. You’ll be glad you did!

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THERAPYPart 2Kathy Chose a Therapist Just Like Her “Boyfriends”From New Woman Magazine 06/88 by Carolyn Bushong 

Kathy was frustrated.  She’d been in therapy for years and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t getting any better.  In fact, at times she was sure her problem – her relationships with men – was getting worse.

She’d been through two marriages and a string of dead-end dating experiences with men who refused to make a commitment to her.

“I can’t get my therapist to listen to me,” she said to her women’s support group, which she joined to supplement her therapy.  “He says I’m to demanding and my expectations are too high.  He makes me feel that’s there’s something wrong with me.  He doesn’t understand that the harder I try, the worse my situation seems to get.”

The women’s group pointed out to her that her problems with her therapist were the same problems she cited repeatedly in describing her relationships with other men in her life – they don’t listen, they don’t understand, I keep trying……  For the first time, Kathy questioned whether she had been getting good therapy.

She didn’t realize that her relationship with her therapist had become just as dysfunctional as all her other relationships.  And just like in her relationships with men, she kept trying to prove something to him instead of moving on.

Transference:Most people who go into therapy do not understand “transference.”  It is the process whereby a client transfers his or her feelings, needs, and/or behaviors onto the therapist.  Kathy had gone into her therapist’s office looking for his approval more than help and direction.  Then she behaved with him like she does with other men, handing him complete control, never questioning anything he said to her, and continuing to try to please him and make him understand.  She played out her problem with men with her therapist. 

It’s not always negative, however.  A male client of mine once told me he had never met a woman who understood him as well as I did, and that because of this, he was falling in love with me.  I explained transference and that it sometimes happens, but let him know that this was a business relationship and not “real” in that sense.  I told him that expecting to be “accepted” by women was something I was teaching him, and my goal for him was that he would find other women who would understand him as well.

Countertransference:

Therapists are people too and often have their own issues.  Countertransference is when a therapist transfers his or her own feeling, needs, and/or behaviors onto the client.  In Kathy’s case, her therapist may have had a need to dominate a woman, he may be a man who dominates his wife OR  someone whose wife dominates him, leaving him with a need to feel strong and important in his therapy sessions.  This may be conscious or he may be oblivious that he is even acting this way.  Therapists often have their own “authority” issues (like doctors) and may play too strong a role in a client’s life, fostering dependency from clients.  Other therapists may not take enough authority and try too hard to become the client’s friend (needing to be needed), always consoling, rather that teaching the person how to gain better control of their life.

Getting good therapy probably isn’t any easier than getting good medical treatment., and it may take more than one try to find the right person.  But by choosing a therapist carefully, asking your friends who has helped them, asking the right questions, and most of all, following your innermost gut feelings, you can find the right therapist and change your life.

About the Author: Carolyn Bushong, a Denver, CO licensed therapist, helps couples resolve issues and helps singles with dating advice — in her office, online, and by phone. She’s author of Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, and The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make. She’s appeared on Oprah and the View. http://www.carolynsays.com. 303-333-1888.

Would you like to buy Carolyn’s wonderful and helpful books? Just click here!

THERAPY EXPECTATIONS

By Carolyn Bushong

(excerpted from my article in New Woman Magazine, June 1988) People go into therapy for different reasons.  Often a life crisis, such as a divorce or loss of a job, triggers the decision.  Sometimes a client wants to overcome anxiety or depression.  People also reach out for help with addictions to alcohol and/or drugs or eating disorders.  Others just want help dealing with normal living issues, such as sexual incompatibilities or confusion about men’s and women’s roles – or some just want help with personal growth and happiness issues.             Therapy no longer carries the stigma it used to, although some people would still prefer to call it “coaching.”  But many people still don’t know what to expect from therapy.  Often spouse or boyfriend will say, “Okay, I’ll go to therapy!” not really knowing what that means.  Therapy is sometimes seen as the answer itself, rather than the means to solving the problem.  Expectations of therapy are often unrealistic, i.e. therapy only works if the therapist knows what he or she is doing AND the client is open to change. What You Can Expect From Therapy: ·        That you should be able to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets without judgment from the therapist.·        To learn better communication skills·        That you can express your full range of emotions, including fears, in a safe place·        Support and understanding of your pain·        Skill to help you exert greater control over your life, whether it is in your relationships or at work·        Confrontation on your own personal issues  Responsibilities of the Therapy Client: *To choose a therapist that is right for you*To let your therapist know when you are not getting what you want*To monitor your own progress*To watch out for dependency on the therapist*To trust your gut more than your therapist’s authority and let him or her know when something doesn’t feel right*To take a break from or terminate therapy whenever you want to*To set goals with your therapist*To report any therapist who crosses a line with you sexually or otherwise (In upcoming issues, we will discuss other therapy topics, such as:  “How Kathy Chose a Therapist just like the Men She Dates,” “Different Types of Therapy and whether to Choose a Man or a Woman,” “Problems that Crop up in Therapy, such as Transference.”)

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THERAPY

Part 2

Kathy Chose a Therapist Just Like Her “Boyfriends”

From New Woman Magazine 06/88 by Carolyn Bushong

Kathy was frustrated.  She’d been in therapy for years and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t getting any better.  In fact, at times she was sure her problem - her relationships with men - was getting worse.

She’d been through two marriages and a string of dead-end dating experiences with men who refused to make a commitment to her.

“I can’t get my therapist to listen to me,” she said to her women’s support group, which she joined to supplement her therapy.  “He says I’m to demanding and my expectations are too high.  He makes me feel that’s there’s something wrong with me.  He doesn’t understand that the harder I try, the worse my situation seems to get.”

The women’s group pointed out to her that her problems with her therapist were the same problems she cited repeatedly in describing her relationships with other men in her life - they don’t listen, they don’t understand, I keep trying……  For the first time, Kathy questioned whether she had been getting good therapy.

She didn’t realize that her relationship with her therapist had become just as dysfunctional as all her other relationships.  And just like in her relationships with men, she kept trying to prove something to him instead of moving on.

Transference:

Most people who go into therapy do not understand “transference.“  It is the process whereby a client transfers his or her feelings, needs, and/or behaviors onto the therapist.  Kathy had gone into her therapist’s office looking for his approval more than help and direction.  Then she behaved with him like she does with other men, handing him complete control, never questioning anything he said to her, and continuing to try to please him and make him understand.  She played out her problem with men with her therapist.

It’s not always negative, however.  A male client of mine once told me he had never met a woman who understood him as well as I did, and that because of this, he was falling in love with me.  I explained transference and that it sometimes happens, but let him know that this was a business relationship and not “real” in that sense.  I told him that expecting to be “accepted” by women was something I was teaching him, and my goal for him was that he would find other women who would understand him as well.

Countertransference:

Therapists are people too and often have their own issues.  Countertransference is when a therapist transfers his or her own feeling, needs, and/or behaviors onto the client.  In Kathy’s case, her therapist may have had a need to dominate a woman, he may be a man who dominates his wife OR  someone whose wife dominates him, leaving him with a need to feel strong and important in his therapy sessions.  This may be conscious or he may be oblivious that he is even acting this way.  Therapists often have their own “authority” issues (like doctors) and may play too strong a role in a client’s life, fostering dependency from clients.  Other therapists may not take enough authority and try too hard to become the client’s friend (needing to be needed), always consoling, rather that teaching the person how to gain better control of their life.

Getting good therapy probably isn’t any easier than getting good medical treatment., and it may take more than one try to find the right person.  But by choosing a therapist carefully, asking your friends who has helped them, asking the right questions, and most of all, following your innermost gut feelings, you can find the right therapist and change your life.

About the Author: Carolyn Bushong, a Denver, CO licensed therapist, helps couples resolve issues and helps singles with dating advice — in her office, online, and by phone. She’s author of Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, and The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make. She’s appeared on Oprah and the View. http://www.carolynsays.com. 303-333-1888.

Would you like to buy Carolyn’s wonderful and helpful books? Just click here!

1)      Anger Control: There are a variety of temper and hostility issues which are brought to therapists’ consulting rooms on a regular basis. Although excessive anger can be a highly destructive and dangerous emotion, sufferers with it often seek counseling only because in one way or another they are forced to do so.

Anger can be a central component of a variety of clinical conditions, including substance abuse, sociopathy, perpetration of physical and sexual abuse, bipolar disorder, and depression. Astute clinicians find the source and general diagnosis of the condition as a way of structuring interventions appropriate to it (e.g., family therapy, marital therapy, relaxation, cognitive therapy, detox and rehabilitation).

2)      Bipolar Disorder: This is a severe condition in the Affective Disorder family, considered primarily due to aberrant psychophysiology and treated primarily with medication. It is easily missed or misdiagnosed due to range of variations observed in clinical practice; e.g., bipolar patients may be primarily depressed, primarily manic, or afflicted with some other combination or variation.

Patients in a manic state may talk excessively and urgently, need only minimal sleep, feel highly euphoric or irritable, have tremendous energy, and be prone to poor impulse control and poor judgment. When depressed, they may be prone to suicide attempts, hopelessness, insomnia or hypersomnia, anhedonia, dysphoria, and fatigue.

3)      Depression: This is a broad term and can refer to a fleeting emotion or to a serious clinical state. In clinical psychology, depression may be confined to an understandable reaction to a specific situation that most anyone would find upsetting (such as an injury or a loss). It may refer to Dysthymia, which is a chronic state of lethargy, listlessness, lack of interest or motivation, and generally feeling down or blue. This term also may characterize Major Depression, which is an acute change of functioning that may or may not be triggered by an external event. Major Depression is considered to be due to biological origins in many cases and may be accompanied by a variety of symptoms such as hopelessness, dysphoria, lack of ability to feel pleasure, low libido, suicidal thoughts, sleep disturbances, and fatigue.

4)      OCD: People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) suffer from repetitive and unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or perform compulsive rituals which seem to be beyond control. Hand washing, counting, checking, or cleaning is done to prevent or cope with obsessive thoughts. Left untreated, obsessions and rituals rarely disappear and often may severely debilitate a sufferer’s life. OCD is often a chronic, relapsing illness best treated by behavior therapy and medication.

5)      Panic/Anxiety: Panic disorder is typically accompanied by transient episodes of extreme anxiety, known as panic attacks. Attacks may vary by intensity and symptomotology and include such reactions as a need to flee the immediate environment; feeling suffocated; sweating, numbness, tingling, heart racing, dizziness, nausea, shaking, and fear of catastrophe.

6)      PTSD stands for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Sufferers have typically undergone a highly traumatic or life threatening event such as rape, assault, or combat. The aftermath of this event may be severely crippling to activities of daily living and include signs and symptoms such as nightmares, startle reactions, sleep disturbance, substance abuse, flashbacks, lethargy, and negative emotion.

7)      Self-Help: Typically, self-help starts with reading a book about a problem and following its recommendations…or taking the advice of a friend or associate…or watching a videotape or DVD providing informed advice…or taking a supplement or using a product designed to assist with the difficulty. Research has shown that one’s own efforts to help oneself may be helpful whether or not a therapist is formally involved.

      Therapy: A process of talking with a nonjudgmental, professionally trained and licensed individual who will study the problem carefully and offer support and advice as a means of addressing it.

To get more information, please click on the books below.

NAVIGATING CHANGE WITH THERAPY

BY JULIE RUDIGER, LCSW

Most of us, at one time or another, have wanted to change some aspect of our lives. Whether change involves something small like losing a few pounds, or a more serious issue like addressing depression or marital problems, the process can be difficult. But change is possible. Research has found that the people who are most successful at making changes go through six predictable stages. These stages are Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Relapse and Maintenance.

Pre-contemplation is what most of us call “denial”. This is the stage that many of us remain in until we are ready to look honestly at a problem or issue. Rarely do we seek help while in this stage. Contemplation is the stage when we start to say to ourselves, “I am not sure this behavior (issue, relationship, etc.) is working for me or in my best interest.” It is a time of extreme ambivalence, however, because as much as a pattern may be hurting us, usually we do things for a reason. Sometimes a pattern which started out innocently has just become a bad habit.

Most people enter therapy when they are contemplating a problem. Therapy can be an excellent place to take inventory of a problem because it is designed to give a client a chance to explore issues honestly. Without adequate preparation of a change, many of us fall back into old patterns. People often skip the preparation stage and move right into action without adequate planning. Therapy can be a place to design an action plan that will prepare for setbacks, keep the focus on long-term goals and obtain the support and encouragement needed in any difficult process.

Maintaining change is the ultimate goal of this process and therapy can help clients when they slip back into old behaviors. A therapist helps a client learn throughout the change process and stay focused on what works. Maintenance is a learning process, often met with setbacks. This is often when people give up, but therapy can keep the process going in a positive direction.