7 DATING RULES

1)         Don’t  Close Off Options Too Soon:  Date several people at once for at least 3 months.

2)         Don’t invest too much in him too soon:  Don’t decide “He’s the one!” until you’ve known him at least a year.

3)         Don’t give too much.  Make sure you get back as much as you give (tit for tat).  Relationships get out-of-balance really easily and if you overgive, it will continue to be expected and he’ll become a “taker.”

4)         Don’t  open up anymore than he does:  Expose your baggage and complaints about your life at the same rate that he does or you’re handing him power against you.

5)         Don’t have sex too soon:  You need to give him time to invest in you emotionally.  Wait until at least the 5^th date.

6)         Don’t mesh your identity with his:  Keep your own friends and interests, and be sure he is willing to equally join your world.

7)         Don’t push for a commitment without giving him an ultimatum:  Don’t nag, but eventually let him know that if the relationship does not move forward, you’ll go back to dating others.

About the Author: Carolyn Bushong, a Denver, CO licensed therapist, helps couples resolve issues and helps singles with dating advice — in her office, online, and by phone. She’s author of Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, and The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make. She’s appeared on Oprah and the View. http://www.carolynsays.com. 303-333-1888.

Would you like to buy Carolyn’s wonderful and helpful books? Just click here!

Carolyn Bushong

360 So. Monroe St., Suite 290

Denver, CO

80209

US

DO YOU NEED RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING? Couples often put off seeing a therapist, hoping that things will work themselves out on their own.  Many times we think the issues got resolved, when what really happened is we forgot about it, and then the same issue rears it ugly head again.  And when it comes back with it brings back all the resentment from fighting about it before.  When this occurs again and again, it erodes a couple’s relationship, eventually reaching a point of no return.  Think of relationship counseling as divorce prevention. Could your relationship be at this point?Take this quiz and find out. 

Quiz:1)      Do you often feel hurt and/or angry by your mate’s actions? 

2)      Do you keep thinking “If I do this or that, our relationship will improve,” but it doesn’t? 

3)      Do you fight about the same issues again and again? 

4)      Does the “divorce” word sometimes get thrown up during fights by one or both of you? 

5)      Do your fights often seem to be about ridiculous things?  (signs of a power struggle) 

6)      Do your edit your conversation with your mate, feeling that it’s emotionally unsafe to just say it like it is( because you may be judged, criticized and/or not understood)? 

7)      Do you feel lonely in your own home? 

      Do you wish that your relationship had more fun, more intimacy and/or more peacefulness in it? 

9)      Do you think that if he or she would just change, then you would be happy? 

10)    Are you sometimes embarrassed by your own behavior in the relationship (and fear what you may be teaching your kids)?           

If you answered yes to only 1 or 2 of the questions above, you can probably talk to your mate and work these issues out yourself .  3 – 5 yes answers means that you and your mate need to set aside time and do some serious talking and try to work through our issues.  If couples would talk to each other more, they wouldn’t need me (or any therapist) as much.  If you answered yes to more than 5 of these questions, you definitely need relationship counseling.  Don’t do what most couples do and wait to come in when one of you already wants a divorce or has cheated – often too much damage has been done to fix the relationship by then.

Would you like to buy Carolyn’s wonderful and helpful books? Just click here!

8 Key Ingredients of Love By Carolyn Bushong 

The Eight Key Ingredients of Love 

1.                  Common relationship goals regarding the present and the future including (but not limited to) emotional intimacy, quality time together, pursuit of interests, marriage, children, social life, a home, financial security, sexual intimacy and companionship.

2.                  A Feeling of goodwill that comes from warmth and truly wanting the very best for your mate.

3.                  Excitement and interest created by bringing your separate and unique personalities to the relationship.

4.                  Freedom to be yourselves and follow your own interests resulting from both feeling secure in yourselves and the relationship.

5.                  Ability to search for and find solutions to problems because you respect each other and your differences, and seek solutions that meet both your needs.

6.                  A deep bond between you that others can’t penetrate. 7.                  Security that comes from trusting your mate and knowing that you are both equally committed to the relationship.8.                  Commitment to, and a vision of, your future together for many years to come.

About the Author:  Carolyn Bushong, a Denver, CO licensed therapist, helps couples resolve issues and helps singles with dating advice — in her office, online, and by phone.  She’s author of Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, and The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make.  She’s appeared on Oprah and the View.  http://www.carolynsays.com.  303-333-1888.

Would you like to buy Carolyn’s wonderful and helpful books? Just click here!